I am just a messenger from my Father but this is what I deal with young ladies in turmoil and trouble all their lives. I have been where this young lady been a victim of Incest but I found my way back to my Father. This is her story from her heart. This is who I am walk with me for while.
A Journey to Truth, by Sandra J.
My life started out normal, growing up as a little girl, surrounded by love of my Grandparents. Playing, learning the innocence of a child. My grandparents took on the role of my parents, because my mom and dad had left when I was just a baby. Living with my grandparents was normal. My Grandfather was my whole world. The first man in my life, who protected me and loved me. It was perfect, sunshine and sparkles, every little girls’ dreams.
Suddenly things took a turn for the worse. I was 10 years old. My whole world was turned upside down, everything I knew, everything I loved was taken away. My grandparents died, it all happened so fast and being so young I didn’t understand all that was going on. In what seemed like an instant I was taken to a new home I felt lost and afraid. Arriving at this new home I was disoriented but I felt maybe things might be ok.
And then the worst thing imaginable happened. My innocence was shattered. At 10 years old, this should not have happened. My mind did not understand. I was terrified I was just a child with no clue what to do, no way to protect myself and no way to escape. I was alone, I was in fear everyday with no one to turn to. Rape was introduced into my world. I did not know what to do. For years, I lived in terror, I would hide in the dark of the woods, hoping no one would find me. I was trapped, as if spiraling deeper and deeper into the darkness below.
I came to a decision at 13 years old to take my own life. I could not understand why no one would save me. I jumped out of a tree and landed on the ground, I lay there and looked up into the heavens. I asked the Father; “Will you please just take me”.
Years went by, I struggled everyday with the feelings of depression, guilt, pain, loneliness and my biggest question. Why am I even here? I was angry at the world, I tried to find someone that would appreciate who I was. In my 20’s, I was raped again. Why is this happening to me? What am I doing wrong? The pain was unbearable. This one scarred me for life. There was so much pain, blood, I remember a hospital. I remember to much. I fell into darkness, there was no more life in my eyes. No color, no joy. It was sucking me in.
I could not deal with intimacy, I would try to find love, and the same thing would happen. Verbal abuse, physical abuse. I was so angry, trying to find my way in this world. No matter how nice I was, someone would want to crush my spirit. The only way they were happy is if they caused me pain.
And then I would run, run as far away as I could. There has to be a way out I thought. I am so tired of running. Life continued, I coped the best way I could. Never telling my story, keeping it a secret inside to eat away at my spirit. I am now 58 years old. And one day I decided to start writing a blog. No idea how to do it, not knowing why the thought even came to me. I just started writing. Then I started reading other people’s post. I came across a post that caught my eye. The Black Knights. By Ronald Thomas. The words meant something to me, but I didn’t understand it completely. I begin a quest to find the answers, something was pulling me in a new direction. I had to keep going. I saw some light at the end of this dark tunnel.
Unexpectant events started to happen. Ron was teaching how to interpret the Words of the Old Testament, which was making the Father come alive in a way I could have never imagined. My eyes begin to open, I started hearing words that made more sense to me. I found out that I have been lied to, the lie of men, their religions. My whole life was wrapped around lies. I did not know the truth at all. They told me, as a woman, I was to be treated like dirt, that I had to go along with the false words and religions telling me how I was to act and behave in their world. That I was second class to men, and I had no power as a woman to do anything except bow down to the man. I had no way to survive if I stayed on this path.
I had to make a decision. Hide from the world for the rest of my life. Or reach out to the Father and ask Him to help me. Help me make sense of it all. I stopped to listen and this is what I heard.
I saw the outline of a beautiful woman in the mist who had no life. Her eyes were as dark as two lumps of coal. His hand moved across her face and gave her some of his water to quench her thirst.
He opened her eyes with his hands; they became like topaz. Men had put her to sleep when she was born; blinding her to see her Father. She had been asleep in the wilderness for 7 years and no one heard her cries. A day is like a thousand years in the present.
The Beautiful woman look into the eyes of Creation and saw Him. She saw Him once before many years ago; and she knew that was her Father. She was naked and was not ashamed.
These words changed my life. Early one morning, I sat quietly in the dark. And a door opened in front of me. I was sitting in the presence of the Father. In that moment, I heard a voice, the Father said “Take my Hand and Come with Me”. With tears running down my cheeks. I took His hand. Never to look back.
Today, I have been Reborn as a daughter to the One Father. It was an emotional journey; every pain and bad memory came back to me. I had to face them, to let them go. And with Ron’s help, I found my way to the Fathers arms. I now understand my purpose in life. We as Women, we were never meant to be slaves of men. The Father clearly writes that we are to be the help meet of men, not the help mate.
We are made in our Fathers image, we are strong, we are NOT WEEK. We have the power to rise up out of the darkness. We have the power to stand up, to remove the fears, doubt, guilt, anger, all of these things that have been put on our spirits, that hold us down. It was NEVER OUR FAULT. We were born with the strength of an Eagle.
I have been called to be a light in the world to all those coming up behind me. To bring the Word to the young girls and boys, to warn them to not follow the ways of men’s words, to stay in the Light. So, they do not have to go through the same things I did.
I was crushed to the point of no return, and I survived. I found the way out, take my hand and come walk with me. You are not alone. The Father never forgot us.
IAM a WOMAN, IAM a MOM – We are the Continuation of Creation
I Am my Fathers Daughter
I was born a Virgin and I will Die a Virgin. No one can have my spirit; it belongs to the Father.
I believe in One, the Father.
An Old Texas Rattlesnake with two fangs