Behavioral Anthology of Toilet Paper
Critical Essay’s in Time
I sitting around watching TV the other day. You had the usual news about the border wall and the illegal immigrants that massing on our Southern border. Then a commercial came on with a family of Bears and Jr Bear was wiping his bum with Charmin toilet paper.
As I preach faithfully to my congregation we have to define the word Charmin. Always learn to put a hyphen in the word and see the etymology of the word.
Char— verb, partially burn (an object) so as to blacken its surface.
min— Proto Germanic means mine or my
To use it in a sentence remember I told you to read from the bottom to the top.
My (min) Ghost Peppers in that veg drink are mine. I am going to drink 36 ounces of liquefied Ghost Peppers in a carrot based drink.
Be prepared to be amazed; You throat, your stomach, intestines, your sphincter muscle are all going to be on fire. You will not have enough water to put it out. You have just entered the age of Enlightenment how to make a fire to keep you warm. You will have an out-of-body experience and swear aliens abducted you.
Ghost Peppers are the colonoscopy best friend. When toilet paper was invented it was medicated for the bum you are going to wish you had that now. You just chard your bum and cleared out your colon, blackened your sphincter muscle. Saves a Dr.s visit.
The reason I bring this into the light, around the early 90,s, the government brought in 15,000 Somalian,s and put them into apartments. One thing they found out was they did not know how to use the China American toilet bowl. So they had to bring in teachers to show them what to do. How to sit, How to wipe their bum, and what the little low flow silver handle would do.
Being that everyone has a social orgiastic sexual high to rest on. Being the social justice Warrior that I am I decided to take up a just cause to save the world some money and teach the difference between the rolls of toilet paper most illegals have never seen a Wal-Mart much less a low flow toilet.
Anthology of Toilet Paper
This is for the avg family of 4. It is sturdy and strong enough for the Bum.
This is for that child that is at the precipice of trans-formation it is gentle enough to take care of the femanine side of him.
This is for the age groups of 12 to 60 that are taking the trans gender trolley to work and you are in a hurry in the morning. It is gentle enough yet strong enough to do the job on your bum and it is scented.
This is for the Lumber jack in your trans family, rugged and tough, to handle any stituation that comes up.
When your family is always on the go traveling from one protest to another. You have the convenience of packing away your favorite toilet paper, it comes in several colors, never leave home without it . You never know when you are going to get your ass burned.
All come with easy to read instructions even if you do not know English.
Hopefully this will avoid the confusion when the illegal goes to Wal-Mart and tries to figure out what kind of toilet paper to buy or that trans in your family that changed jobs from being a lumberjack and started wearing woman’s underclothes.
Before they hear
Before they speak
Welcome to my World
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